


If I Killed Someone For U

by riapanda



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Blood, Death, Food, Homophobia, Let me know if I need another tags, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, One Shot, meat - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-23 08:33:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30052737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/riapanda/pseuds/riapanda
Summary: He didn't know why he did what he did. The only thing he knew was it was because of Jungwoo.
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Kim Jungwoo
Comments: 8
Kudos: 21





	If I Killed Someone For U

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first fic. I hope you like it and comments are appreciated!

“Dude, yesterday was sick,” Yehan told me, as always, trying to show off how much he loves all his parties and all the things that come with his lifestyle. I don’t really have a problem with it, at least most of the time, I tend to just listen to all the stupid bullshit he thinks is cool while nodding and adding a comment like “ _awesome_ ” or “ _that sucks_!”, depending on the context.

Yehan and I have been acquaintances for almost four years. Four bloody years of having a pain in the ass who thinks he is my dearest friend. I haven’t been an ass to Yehan, or not that I can recall at this moment.

We met as trainees, Hong Yehan and I were the only new ones in the agency so he usually asked stuff like how did I do something or if I could make some coffee. It was okay for me until he decided that our co-workers label wasn't enough so in his mind we started to be friends.

Everything is fine. I don't hate my job as much as average people do. I hate the people surrounding me and that's only on my boss and _Mr. Dude_.

Things could be worse, I guess.

**

"Hey bro, whats up?" It was the first thing I heard when I entered the office. Yehan had his arm around my neck in no time, invading my personal space. "Did you hear that Taeri got a replacement already? Dude, that's sad. She was so hot"

"It is not like she died or something," I said. I honestly couldn't care less about someone I spoke to like, 3 times.

"You ain't gonna tell me she wasn't the sexiest in this place, man."

_She was not. And I am gay._

“She isn’t really my type.”

“Doyoung, I have never seen you with a bitch.” Yehan said as I sat on my desk, ready to ignore every single word that was going to come out of his mouth. Just like always, this is going to lead to a conversation where he asks questions about my relationships and my sex life because some dicks like Yehan only have a mind for things like that.

“Not to be me, but we have some paperwork the boss wants for today at noon, so you better stop the gossip and start working,” I said while typing as fast some of the sales of the week and the boss' schedule for Friday.

I am productive and the best worker here without being biased at all. I have worked my ass off to be where I am. Besides, having to cope with assholes like Yehan and my boss who doesn’t treat me like he should. Yet, it does not surprise me anymore.

My favorite workday is Saturday. Just because this place, that's usually full of brainless idiots, is empty and I get to work as I please. Moreover, the fact that I get extra pay for just doing what I’m supposed to do and leaving my work easier for weekdays.

“Pss pss, Doyoung, pss pss”

“What do you want, Yehan?” I said while having my eyes on the computer. Did I already say that I hate working on weekdays?

“Fresh meat came already,” He said. I looked at him, he wasn’t smiling as Yehan usually does, he had a weird look while glancing at the new guy who just came in. It was a pretty boy, tall, with a pretty face. The new one is the only hope to breathe in this madhouse of an agency.

“Good morning!” The new one said with a cute voice, maybe he was nervous.

“Morning,” I said back while Yehan had his eyes on me as if I did something wrong and scandalous.

When the guy was gone my attention went to the computer again and I just heard Hong said “I don’t like him already” but my mind said to myself:

_‘Be lucky if somebody even likes you, jerk’_

**

It is halfway through the week and even if it is desperate I want it to be over already. Boss is trying new things and having little to no time to actually do his job so it became mine to send the emails he didn't send, read articles I shouldn't, and basically being the secretary of my useless boss even if this is not what I am paid to do. So, the only thing I could do is coming way earlier than usual to get “breakfast”, that was more like a coffee and a cigarette like in my college days, the difference is that now I had no opportunities nor chances to get a new way out, so I was pretty much stuck with a bunch of assholes.

"Hey," a sweet voice said behind me. I was in line for one of the four coffees I tend to drink per day.

I should have a smile and be polite at work, that is the only reason why I have not sent everyone at work to eat shit for breakfast.

I saw the guy, it was the new guy with his pretty smile. This is weird, his face does not make me want to punch him and his laugh is not insufferable. "My name is Jungwoo, I am the new intern," he said.

"Hello new intern Jungwoo, my name is Doyoung, Kim Doyoung."

"I am, well, new here, so I don't have any idea of what actually tastes good," he said while putting his hands in his pockets. He is pretty tall, at least taller than me.

"Totally not the sandwiches, none of them are good." I smiled at him. This is new for me at work. "Are those that bad?" He laughed at my comment. This is the most stupid conversation I have ever had besides all the dick chats where Yehan tells me something I don't care about his penis and I reply with an ok.

“I suggest the red juice, it’s a mixture of red fruits and it is one of the few things worth it here or just eat the pie, the lemon one it is not that bad either,” I was already about to order when I asked the lady there for two lemon pies and juices instead of my regular coffee.

“Are you gonna eat all that?” The taller chuckled as he saw me with my hands full. Instead of replying I handed him one slice of pie, and with the other hand I took the other juice and did the same thing, “Oh! Wait a second, I’m paying you for this”

“You don’t really have to, but let’s just sit please. I haven’t completely woken up and I feel like I could fall asleep.”

The cafeteria was not full but it wasn’t empty either, it had like 4 more people in between waiting in line and eating the things that were supposed to be edible here. Jungwoo and I sat on one of the tables and had an actual conversation. I honestly had not had any of this since I started working. We talked about how we got here at the first place and it seems like Jungwoo actually was excited to be part of whatever this agency does with Joohwan magazine and I told him that I was part of this sort of thing from the beginning.

“Yeah, not to be the one who breaks your dreams but this agency is not that great,” I told him a little bit lower than the rest of the things I have said during this exchange of information. “Even the security cameras are fake” I showed him one of them that was facing the corridor in between the hall office and the cafeteria, “I put them up one Saturday as a wish from the boss.”

Oh, I remember that day. Boss was really cranky, saying his wife had told him something or accusing him of sleeping with someone. Things that I couldn't care less about. But, as the only one at the office that Saturday he made me put those shits up.

“Isn’t it supposed to be against the law or something, doing that?” He asked as he had a sip of his juice.

“Maybe." I nodded, while playing with the spoon. "I told him that people would notice, but nobody has until now. Well nobody knows about that apart from the boss, you and me. I’m pretty sure everyone is just stupid”

“Or maybe they just don’t care, but I like the stupid idea way better” he giggled as speaking. His facial expressions were so light and happy even while technically talking shit about people.

When I finished my pie I left the spoon at the table and stand up. Jungwoo did the same but he also took the plates and the trash and put that in the respective bins. He followed me right after, he was a little behind me. When we got to the office I was going to mine and he was going to his so I stated "You are nice."

"You are not so bad either"

Meeting the new guy was a pleasant surprise.

**

It’s been weeks since Jungwoo and I had breakfast together. We became closer. Not as in _best friends forever_ kind of close, but he was the less annoying person in the office and the only one I could tell had a brain with functioning brain cells. Yet, we don’t actually talk at work hours. It is more like a greeting every time we see each other.

But when it comes to after hours we have spent so much more time together that I’m used to with a lot of people. I have probably seen Jungwoo in the last month more than my father in my whole life, and I’m 26.

Jungwoo is a more decent human being than I am, he says “thank you” to everyone when we are out, even if they don’t actually do shit for him. Besides, he always looks giddy. Things that, for obvious reasons, I could never. He even gets to call me grumpy bear, and if it was someone else I would probably send him to fuck himself, but for some reason, because it was Jungwoo, that was totally okay.

“You are not the same at work and here” I said while playing with his hair. For some reason we ended up on the couch of his living room and he asked me to play with his hair for stress relief. He did not move a single bit but closed his eyes and replied with a “Neither are you”.

“I don’t really like anyone at work”

“Yeah, I get it,” Jungwoo rolled on his spot to face me, I was sitting and he was laying down with his head on my lap, which in other situations would actually be uncomfortable enough or way too comfy for me to have problems with it. “Yehan is an ass.”

“Agreed” I said. “He is not the successful brat he thinks he is.” Jungwoo started laughing at my comment, then he got up from my lap and sat as if he was a little kid.

“I thought you were friends.”

“Oh trust me, so does he.” I let out a sigh and I was ready to change the topic, asking for some food or even something dumb as TV shows or movies when I, myself, don’t like any audiovisual shit. That its only a background noise for me. “He is the odd kind,” He said.

“What do you mean?”

“The first day I got into the agency he was weird.” Jungwoo had a weird grimace on his face that I could not really tell if it was more of a disgust or a hate one. “He asked me before having my meeting with the boss if I would have sex with the secretary that was packing her stuff,” Not surprised at all. “and frankly I said _‘no, I am gay’_ because I tend to, you know…. not lie? He told me that if the taste of cum is that nice I should taste his.”

“I hate that hellhole full of idiots.”

**

Peanut chocolate bars are gross now for me. It was not something bad, I Just didn’t like the taste of those two combined and if I had chocolate it was just plain chocolate, just as if I had peanut it may just have salt in it but nothing else. Which honestly, was not as bad and had nothing against it up until Hong decided it was an amazing idea having them during work hours, bite them a little and spit the peanuts full of saliva into a bowl right next to me and while doing it making the nastiest sounds with his mouth as if he didn’t know how to eat properly.

“Doyoung, did you know that the new intern Jungwoo is gay?” _Yes. And I’m glad_.

“No, and what does it matter anyways?”

“Dude, that is so fucking disgusting bro.” Yehan said while licking the tips of his fingers that were full of chocolate. “Can you imagine putting your dick in the place another dude pooped?”

“Heterosexual sex is getting your dick inside a vagina and cisgender women who have their periods throw blood from there every month.” I tried as hard as I could to not pay attention to Yehan and do my fucking work. It is only Tuesday. I need to get to Saturday faster.

“But it is the right way to fuck, man” Yehan said “And, I really think he is the one who gets it from behind. What do you think, Kim?” _That if it is like that I would totally fuck him_. I thought.

“That I don’t care about his sex life.”

“Man, what if he is into shitting on the person when they fuck him!” And so he went. “Maybe I should just use my very own shit and smear it all over his desk."

"If you do that I'd probably chop your head out." Yehan laughed as if I just said the funniest joke ever. He even had some tears in his eyes for his incredible overreacted loud noise.

"You sound like you were gay and had a crush on that slut, man," At this point He is getting on my nerves. "But do not worry bro, I get it," Hong said while sitting on his desk again. "Don't worry dude, I know you would kill homosexuals just as it is supposed to be done."

"Hong, we both have work to do."

**

"¡Doyoung!" Oh no. "I didn't think you'd be here" Yehan said while getting on my back. Of course I would be at work on a Saturday.

"What are you doing here?"

"Boss told me that you usually come here on Saturdays and I was like 'no, that is bullshit' but here you are." He hugged me. Made me feel asphyxiated.

"Well, I like working alone," I did my best of getting him off me, taking his arm out of my neck. I still do not know his need to invade my personal space. "You know, without people around."

"Yeah, I don't like being told what to do." _But you never know what you are supposed to do and you screw it up almost every time you try._

I sat on my spot and turned my computer on. Yehan did the same and grabbed a chair to put it next to mine. Staring at every movement I do. “Would you please let me do my work?”

“Homie can’t stare at his bro?”

“Yehan, I need to work.”

**

It was almost 12 o'clock and I started to get tired and hungry for all the words in lots of documents. On the other hand, I had a pain in the ass with a name and an annoying voice bothering me almost all the time. At this rate maybe he gets paid for making me want to shove a pencil in his throat and cut out his tongue with a scissor.

I got up ready to get the food I ordered by delivery. Jungwoo got me a great discount on a meat restaurant that had a really nice menu. He said that the owner used to go to the same school as him when they were younger or that his father worked with his, not as sure what he said. But, he almost always gets discounts and free delivery so I decided that was not a bad idea. Besides, I was so hungry that I could even eat a whole cow all by myself.

It wasn’t an actual journey to get my food but the hard thing was getting out without Yehan at my back asking stupid shit like where was I going or some things that I tend to ignore. But, this time he actually went with me sticking like bubblegum to my shoes.

He never closed his damn mouth. All I could do was stay dead shut paying for my stuff while hearing Hong whining and being loud with the same three questions over and over and I know that because those were ‘What you got there, buddy?’, ‘Why was it that cheap?’ and ‘Where are we going?’.

Following my usual Saturday schedule, I went to the cafeteria to eat my lunch. I pretty much like the café when it is empty but around these days I really enjoyed lunchtime on weekdays with Jungwoo. We don’t talk that much but his company is very much appreciated. He has been the only person I know that would make my day better without words and I have known him for almost two months now which is actually surprising because I feel like I can trust him even if I trust no one.

Yehan, on the other hand, could be the most annoying specimen of a human on earth. He sat next to me staring at my food way longer than he should be. “Bro,” he said. “Gimme some.”

“No.”

“But dude!” He started with the tantrum. “That looks so fucking fine.”

_And tastes even better, but this is only for me._

The meat was amazing and I sure understand why Jungwoo recommended this place. It was well cooked, not wet at all, how these restaurants tend to prepare it, but still had some flavor. It came with its own set of knife and fork and the knife was incredibly sharp for coming in for free.

“Where did you get the restaurant though?”

“Jungwoo told me about it.” I replied, it was not important nor a secret anyways.

Suddenly Hong’s face changed as if I just said that I wanted to eat the newborn baby of his mother or something. “Oh, the new Kim.”

“Yeah, he is nice, I guess.”

“He is homosexual, man.” He stated.

Not again… I was taken back for the comment but I tried my best to not show any emotion on my face and asked a simple: “So?”

“That he is a slut who sleeps with men!” He started shouting. If he was loud before now he is ten times worse and adding the stupid comments making him a hundred of times more annoying. “I have been saying this for a while!” and so he went, “Not only is he a sinner but also tries his best to be nice when I know he is a snake. All gays are snakes and the worst kind.”

“Stop.” I said. Yehan didn’t really stop, it was more like an encouragement for him to do it even more. “I’m serious, Yehan.”

“But bro, let’s be honest. Jungwoo is just like a walking joke.” Yehan was laughing with disgusting weird sounds that he must think are funny. The most annoying laugh ever. “If you think about it, he must be that one asshole whose dad left them when they’re little. You know, daddy issues make you gay and attention seekers”

I felt like I was going to vomit. I hated every single word he said and his corny ass voice tone trying to feel superior. I was staring at my food, then I was staring at the fork up until I took the knife and just held it as if I was going to continue eating my meat.

My mind is going crazy. Everything here is now a picture of Yehan with his pretentious smile. I wanna break all the walls, let the place drawn with some of the cables close so everyone gets electrocuted. I saw my meat and I pictured Yehan as a pig, in line to get sacrificed and begging for his life, getting his tongue cut out before throwing him into the killing area where his organs get taken out. Maybe if that was the situation I would be smiling and laughing the way he is right now.

“Bro, are you okay?” he asked. Maybe I stared at my meat for way too long.

“Yeah, I kind of zoned out” Do I even look calm? I feel dizzy. But Yehan is not smart enough to read the expressions on my face. He continued talking shit about Jungwoo and his sexuality, even Jungwoo in general for being “gross” and his talk that has been useless since we met but it just got even more stupid as time passes by.

“I imagine all the guys that used their dicks on him. He better be at least good at sex, bro. He is a slut at the end of the day, any man could take him down, probably for cheap, he can’t be for more than 10 dollars” I looked at him and realized quite fast that was a mistake. Every single hair of my body got goosebumps. He stood leaving me alone. Then he came back running as if he was a toddler and had Jungwoo’s cup on his hands. He had said before that he wanted to cum on it just to piss Jungwoo off with the idea that ‘he is a dick blower, he must like my milk’ way before I stopped him for the very last time Yehan spit on it and already his hand on his pants. "Let's see how he likes that. That f-"

I didn't let him finish.

I didn't want to hear him say that word.

It was something I didn't plan to do. Have I had the fantasy of doing it? Yes, I have. Did I even consider actually doing it? No, not at all. My dad used to tell me it was okay to feel like killing someone but it was only a thought. But now… the blood was on my hands, there was no doubt. I killed him.

I grabbed the knife and stabbed him upfront, straight to the chest. His blood started flowing and dripping to the floor, maybe I was fast enough to take it out too because he didn't actually react more than spitting blood to the ground and used his free hand to try to stop the bleeding and maybe not die. It was unsuccessful for obvious reasons. I threw the knife away somewhere on the floor.

Yehan died with his mouth open and his left hand in his pants, and of course a knife in the chest. His corny smile was gone and there was blood all over the floor. All his nasty blood was touching my shoes and the smell of it was enough to make me wanna puke.  
Maybe I didn’t actually realize what I just did. I am not okay with this. What happened did not actually happen. _This is a dream, no this is a nightmare._

I am shaking. I feel so sick. I keep staring at the dead body and it feels like Yehan is staring at me with his annoying dark eyes open. His eyes weren’t looking but I felt like he was looking at me, saying that I am going to burn in hell for doing this.

I feel like I can't breathe, there is not enough air for me. For some reason I felt like I was dying and I couldn't stop looking at the body on the floor.

What have I done?

My body reacted as the first thing I thought this morning when I woke up. I called Jungwoo by putting all the numbers on his cellphone that I memorized once when the boredom was huge.

One ring, two rings. Two rings were enough for Jungwoo to pick up.

“Grumpy?” I heard from the other line.

“Come here,” I said. It hurted, every word felt like I was the one stabbed and the sounds made the knife go deeper inside my chest. Except I was not the one with a knife; all my blood was in it's respective places. “I’m at the agency.”

“Doyoung, what is going on?” his voice started to sound a little concerned.

“Just come.”

Jungwoo hung up the phone. I still had it next to my ear hearing rings on my mind as if they were heartbeats. The ones were not on Yehan anymore. I saw my reflection on the glass of the cafeteria, I looked like a mess. Blood on my hands and some on my shirt but my hair was still perfect. I dropped my cellphone as I got closer to my figure on the glass. It was almost transparent and I’d probably wouldn’t see myself if it wasn’t for the lightbulb that was on even if it was a plain sunny day.

I don’t really know how much I stared at myself, or even at Yehan on the floor with a bigger puddle of blood when I heard Jungwoo’s voice. “Doyoung, where are you?” I heard from afar. “Why is everything from my desk on the trash?”

Idiot.

“Holy hell, Doyoung!” Jungwoo said, approaching me. “What the fuck happened, are you alright?”

I tried to say something but the words didn’t come out of my mouth. Jungwoo was there worried about me and ignoring the actual dead body that we had four feet away. I started tearing up. I was screwed, I can’t handle jail. I can’t handle Jungwoo saying I was a disappointment.

"I," Jungwoo put his hands on my cheeks. It is weird that he isn't reacting as anyone would in this situation. He is not scared, he isn't yelling, he is just here. "He said so much shit, I couldn't bear it".

He kissed my forehead and hugged me. I left some blood on his dark shirt even if it wasn't as visible as the mess on my own shirt. "Don't cry, it's okay." _Jungwoo, please. Nothing that had happened that day was okay._ But for some reason that made me giggle a little. “Now. What happened?”

“I’ve got enough of Yehan…” I said. My voice was still a little shaky. “He has been the biggest pain on my ass since I’ve known him but when he met you and knew you were gay just went…”

“A little too much?”

“Yeah.” I sighed. “He was the one who destroyed your desk, wanted to cum in your mug and throw shit on all your stuff, basically.”

“Creative.” He said pretty low but I got the chance to hear it.

“I wasn’t thinking. I just did it”

Jungwoo looked at my eyes. “Did you think of me?” asked. “When you murdered him,” he said again, “Did you think of me while doing that?”

“In a way, you could say so.” Jungwoo smiled. Why the fuck did he do that?

"That is actually adorable."

“How are you so chill about this?”

“Let’s just say it is not the first time I’ve seen a dead body.” He said. "We should just get rid of this."

Jungwoo took my hand and we went for the mops and the bleach. He knew exactly what to do to clean the floor and made me have Yehan on a table. He started smelling pretty bad and my desire to vomit came back again.

"What do you want to do with the body?" Jungwoo asked.

"I don't want anyone to find it."

"Okay." Jungwoo looked at my eyes and said: "We can bury him or cut him into pieces. There is a case of a woman who killed his husband and made empanadas with his meat." He laughed. "Where is the knife?"

**

It's been a week since I murdered Yehan. At this rate I would have thought someone would actually notice he was not around. Every single damn thing at work has been the same. Nobody has asked for him, no one is curious nor wants something from Hong.

Maybe because no one really liked him to begin with.

Jungwoo has been pretty much sweeter to me than he was before. He even got to kiss me when we threw the knife at the river. But, aside from that day we have not talked about the Yehan situation. And frankly, I am kinda freaked out. Somebody is going to notice the meat that some security dogs ate that day wasn't really dog food but a human mashed up.

Things just feel odd, strange.

Jungwoo and I have been meeting in between work hours in the bathroom. He says he wants to see me and sometimes it just casually happens. We don't do much there, we kiss and only once we got really turned, but someone was loud enough to make us stop at the spot.

"Grumpy!" Jungwoo said at my back. “I have been looking for you” He went straight to me and got our lips together. It honestly feels good, yet I’m not used to this.

"Hey Jungwoo." I said.

"What's wrong?"

"I just feel bad for…" I got closer to him as I slowed down my voice. "You know"

"It was the sexiest and most romantic thing somebody has ever done to me."

"Why aren't you afraid of me or running away?"

"Because you did it to defend me even if I wasn't there. I can tell you won't hurt me." He took my chin and made me direct my gaze at his eyes. "Are you afraid of hurting me?"

"In a way, yeah," I confessed.

"Well you won't." He got our lips together in a quick kiss again. It was ironic in a way for me to feel safe while having the biggest fear on myself at the same time.

We spent some time just hugging. At the bathroom of the office. His heartbeat was steady and made me feel safe again.

"Doyoung?" He asked.

"Yeah?"

"If you ever kill again, take me with you," he laughed a little as if what he was telling the cutest scene in the cringiest movie.

_"I would like to display a body and scare someone if they ever find it."_

**Author's Note:**

> Others;  
> \- The empanada case it's real, there was a woman who killed her husband and made empanadas with his meat in Colombia.  
> \- Jungwoo's character is used to blood and death bodies because his family as a whole works at a butcher and that is another reason he knew about good meat stores, their family were into that. I just couldn't add it to the fic.  
> \- I started writing this when I was mad, and used some anger out of that in the story.  
> \- Kinda inspired on If I Killed Someone For You by Alec Benjamin.
> 
> If there is a tag that I missed let me know!


End file.
